Wednesday, March 2, 2016
How Much Would it Cost?
My childhood home is for sale.
I'll admit it, I considered buying it. For more than a fleeting second. I seriously thought about it.
The structure itself holds a lot of sentimental value as my dad, his brothers and their father built it. That was a long time ago. The garage held a board with one brothers name painted on it. It was my dad's younger (and sometimes I think favorite) brothers name on it. A brother lost too soon. He was only 13 when he passed. Billy. That board always haunted me. I always felt so sad for my dad. But then, it also made me feel good as I think my dad felt close to Billy whenever he saw it. I think someone in the family took that board when our home was sold. I hope they still have it.
I loved my childhood. I loved my parents, my brothers and sister. I loved our neighbors. I loved knowing everyone in town and everyone knowing I was a Maddy. I still hold a lot of pride in that name. And many of them still know me as a Maddy. Even after all these years.
Before I packed my bags and moved back "home" I was forced to evaluate why I wanted to go back. Was it the home itself? Or was it the simpler times I was trying to recapture.
It didn't take me long to figure it out. A yard full of lilacs, cats and dogs running through the grass, security, riding my bike whenever and wherever I liked. No worries. That's right. No. Worries. Ever. A life filled with laughter and love. Friends. Of feeling safe and cared about. Sitting on the front step, playing my guitar. Going to the beach with friends. Being taken to the movies by my siblings, 30 miles away. Shopping for clothes with mom, an hour away. Everything was an adventure. First job. Walking to school, every day. Baby chicks in the post office every spring. I had it all.
That's it. I had it all. And I want it all again.
That's how much it would cost to buy my childhood home. But the feelings, I can never get those back again.
So I'll stay where I'm at.
Except when I need to escape, then I'll dream of home.